It's been a long time where I've not update my status here, kinda busy all the while! My life is just seems to be full of different agenda where many datelines needed to be met. Everyday when I woke up, the first thing that I need to be clear off was "Today, what are the things/tasks that I needed to do? What are the things that I needed to settle? What are the responsibilities that are ahead off me that I needed to carry? What are the solutions that I needed to think off for every of the different things and tasks?"
Would this so called "MY LIFE"?
Are you the same as me?
Would this be your life as well?
Sometimes, I myself indeed confused and struggled over these questions that comes to me naturally everyday, not knowing whether these are the so called "good" or "bad". At a moment of time, I would take it as "I'm a very busy man", so this is a normal situation and should be common for me, but somehow there are times, I would feel differently where it's not like the way I thought off "Busy", but "Empty" & "Insecure". Both feelings seems to be normal to everyone where "empty" and insecure" would be feelings that many people encounter throughout their life. Yet, this was what builds up my mind set where "It's OK!" to be in this situation, a situation where BUSY is everything, having "NO BUSY" is nothing. I'm dangerous here!!! Workaholic guy =P
And these feelings comes and goes, on and off it gives me different kind of affirmation, perception and also expression of emotions. Especially at this critical moment where I'm in the transition period from student group into working adult society. I would not know it is a good or bad but indeed I need to face the fact that I've graduated and I'm no longer a student, I need to find a job, a job that is permanent, a job that may sustain my life where I've sufficient to survive on, a job that may lead to have effectiveness in serving Him, a job that is secure, a job that is under my ability (able to cope and run in a long term period) and so on. It's not EASY yet needed a long period of time and efforts to plan and manage in all different areas of life.
Have you ever think off "What's your dream? and Why you have this dream of yours? ", I've a dream. A dream which is "simple", "realistic" and also "influence", although it seems to be easy when saying but you'll know it is not the easy way as you thought off when it comes in doing especially for me now. Although I've an impactful dream that may impact lives and also brings the influence to people of different perceptions, culture and backgrounds, yet that's not enough. Achieving a dream is far beyond our imagination, it is not what we can only think off but what we can do more in a greater way. This is what we called as "DREAM".
There's much I want to do and I need to do at this moment of time, but in many circumstances and challenges, it does not really allows me to "WANT" and "DO" where I've no ability. It's kinda suffering, heart broken, discouraging and disappointing when you knows well and knows much of a thing/incident or person, but yet you can't do it!!! And at last, it's really sad! =(
Although the above thoughts always comes to me in different timing and ways but yet it does not defeat me to really make my efforts to go on because I've a BIG GOD, a GOD that gives full understanding and everlasting love unto me. He understood me in a way and also giving me hope, faith and love to overcome the days of my life. Sometimes, life is seems to be very tired or even to the extend of exhaust and fatigue, yet I'll still energetic, strong, powerful and determine because His presence always there for me, strengthen me, encourage me, fills me with joy and peace, affirm me, comfort me. This is what makes me always carry on , no matter what has discourage and disappoint me along the way. I just grab hold unto His promise and believe in faith He will provide and make all things possible as well good when the time has come.
Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
Written by PrinzeCalvin, 2011
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